Ryan's journey to addiction recoveryPosted on 05/10/23 03:24:pm
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"I had a problem with alcohol since I started drinking at age 19 or 20. I used to work in the performing arts and when everything closed down due to COVID, I was home all the time and alcohol was readily available. My drinking got worse and started to affect friendships and my marriage.
At the end of 2021, my drinking got to the point where I was sneaking alcohol all day and hiding it at home. I was never not drunk. At that time, I was working on a production, which was the first since the COVID shutdown. Everyone who was part of that show arranged a talk with me. I promised I would stop drinking. That lasted about three days. We ended up having to cancel the show and everyone was upset with me. I hit a point where I felt like I didn’t want to do this anymore, it’s too hard. I stopped showing up for work and was basically drunk for a month.
I told my husband I wasn’t going to drink anymore. I was passed out on the couch when he came home from work. We got into an argument about it, and when he left for work the next morning, I just felt like I couldn’t live like that anymore, I was so unhappy and I couldn’t get a handle on it. I thought, I could just drink myself to death.
I didn’t show up at work. My boss called my husband and he called my dad who stayed with me until my husband got home. They told me I needed to get help. I was intoxicated, but I was at the bottom where I felt like I’d do whatever because I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing.
My dad called Rogers for me and I was admitted to inpatient in West Allis that night. I didn’t know what to expect. I was surrounded with people who had similar stories. My treatment team didn’t judge me. They wanted to kickstart the journey for me. The structure helped me get to the point where I could say, “This is what my life is now.” It was the solid base where my recovery began and I’m so grateful I got the help I needed.
I'm now over a year sober and working in the substance abuse field.
It’s okay to say, 'I can’t do this anymore.' Throughout my struggle, I felt like I would figure it out and I was trying to be self-sufficient. I knew I had a problem, but I had to admit I couldn’t fix it. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud you can ask for help."