Healthy relationships do more than make life enjoyable. They play a powerful role in protecting our mental health. We do better mentally and emotionally when we feel supported, understood, and valued by the people around us.
Rogers Behavioral Health’s Dr. Lauren Scaletta, PsyD, director of clinical services at Rogers in West Allis, explains how healthy relationships support mental health, and the practical skills that help people build stronger, more balanced relationships.
How do healthy relationships help our mental health?
We’re social creatures. We were made to be in relationships and rely on communities.
When we have healthy relationships we:
- Have emotional support
- Feel less lonely
- Have higher self-esteem
- Can give and receive honest feedback
- Work through difficult emotions
- Stay accountable for our actions
- Speak up when something isn’t working, like saying “That hurt,” or “I need something different”
- Feel more stable and secure
How can a lack of healthy relationships affect our mental health?
We’re at risk of developing mental health challenges if we don’t have healthy relationships. We may:- Withdraw
- Isolate
- Avoid social situations
- Feel anxious about relationships
- Struggle with self-esteem
- Rely on inconsistent or short-term relationships
- Have trouble managing emotions
Over time, this can increase the risk of anxiety, depression, and substance use.
What skills help people build and maintain healthy relationships?
Interpersonal effectiveness is a set of skills that help people build and maintain healthy relationships. It includes communicating needs, listening to others, setting and respecting boundaries, and accomplishing mutual goals.
It’s about being able to show up in relationships at home, at work, and with friends, family, or partners.
What are common misunderstandings of healthy relationships?
Four common missteps that get in the way of heathy relationships include:
1. Confusing boundaries with demands
For example, saying, “I can talk once a week because of my schedule,” is a boundary. Saying, “You must talk to me every day or we’re not friends,” is a demand. It’s important to know how to ask for what we need and allow others to do the same. It’s also important to recognize and communicate what is realistic, fair, and appropriate.
2. Thinking assertiveness is aggressivenessIf we’re used to passive communication, learning assertiveness takes time. We may initially fear assertive communication because it seems more direct and harsher than remaining agreeable. Being able to share thoughts or feelings respectfully is empowering. It allows an avenue to ask for what we need to feel secure in relationships. Use coping tools, like taking deep breaths or short breaks when frustrated to communicate in a balanced and factual way. Remember, we can be both kind and firm within our relationships. Being firm is not unkind and being kind is not being a pushover.
3. Believing validation means approval
Being able to validate another person’s experience is an incredibly important skill. It helps others feel understood and is more likely to build bridges to collaboration. To truly validate someone, it means, “I understand what you’re saying. I can hear how you’re feeling and acknowledge it,” whether you agree with choices or actions that followed their emotion. It doesn’t mean you condone any actions that may have hurt you.
4. Skipping repairEvery relationship has small breaks, misunderstandings, tension, and hurt feelings. Many people may find it easier to ignore the conflict and move on. However, accountability and repair of issues, even small ones, can keep things from building into bigger problems. Repairing relationships takes accountability and openness on both sides. If a relationship is harmful to your well-being or is one-sided, seek professional support to discuss the signs of abuse and create a safety plan.
How do relationship skills help reduce conflict and strengthen bonds?
If we approach situations with curiosity, seek to understand, and use respect, we’re much more likely to be heard and land in a place where we can compromise. Compromise doesn’t mean ignoring your personal values. Instead, we can find shared values to compromise and then determine how to manage disagreements.
If we don’t show up with balanced skills, we may either set that relationship back or need to do some repair. Or, if we haven’t learned how to do that effectively, we might be in a pattern where we’re breaking or losing relationships and can’t understand why. That can lead to asking ourselves questions like, “Why don’t people like me?” “Why don’t people want to be around me?” “Why do I lose friends?”
It can really weigh on someone’s self-esteem.
When would it be time to consider professional help?
You may want to consider seeking professional help if you:
- Struggle to maintain relationships
- Don’t see improvement despite your efforts
- Have very few relationships but desire more
- Struggle to navigate disagreements effectively
A mental health professional can provide feedback on your skills or lack thereof and help you learn and practice more effective ways of being in relationships.
How does Rogers incorporate relationship skills into treatment?
We teach and practice relationship skills as part of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) in many of our programs. DBT focuses on emotion regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. It’s especially helpful when someone is struggling with self-esteem, managing emotions in relationships, lacking meaningful connections, or needing to repair relationships.
We help people identify and target behaviors they’re trying to reduce or increase and understand the chain of events that led to their behaviors. For example, someone may notice they start yelling when they feel upset in a relationship. We explore vulnerabilities in that moment: Were they exhausted? Stressed? Did they skip meals? This helps people learn about what impacts their mood so they can hopefully handle things differently next time.
The bottom line is that relationships are a two-way street, and we need balance. Being overly agreeable can lead to resentment, but being harsh isn’t the answer either. DBT teaches dialectics: It’s the idea that two seemingly opposing ideas or concepts can be true at the same time. I can be kind and still say no. I can value friendship and still tell someone they hurt me. Learning to hold that balance is an important foundation for healthy relationships, and for life.
Rogers offers mental health treatment
You deserve to live a full and connected life. We can help.
When you’re ready to take that first step, call 833-308-5887 for a free, confidential screening.
Healthy relationships can support mental health by reducing loneliness, strengthening self-esteem, and providing emotional support. They also help people work through difficult emotions, communicate their needs, and feel more secure and connected.
A lack of healthy relationships can contribute to loneliness, social isolation, anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty managing emotions. Over time, these challenges may increase the risk of depression, anxiety disorders, and substance use.
Building healthy relationships involves communicating openly, listening to others, setting and respecting boundaries, and working through disagreements. Practicing empathy, taking responsibility for mistakes, and repairing hurt feelings can also strengthen relationships over time.
A boundary communicates your needs, limits, and what you can realistically offer in a relationship. A demand attempts to control another person’s behavior. Healthy boundaries allow both people to express their needs while respecting each other’s choices.
Assertive communication means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and respectfully. Taking a deep breath, pausing when emotions run high, and focusing on specific behaviors rather than blaming the other person can help you communicate firmly without being unkind.
Consider professional support if you repeatedly struggle to maintain relationships, have difficulty navigating disagreements, or feel isolated despite wanting closer connections. A mental health professional can help you identify patterns, strengthen communication skills, and practice healthier ways to manage emotions and conflict.
