Why can managing our emotions be challenging?
The first step to managing our emotions is identifying what we’re feeling, and that can be difficult. Physical symptoms can serve as cues to our emotions and are often easier to recognize. For example, sweaty palms, a racing heart, and rapid thoughts could signal feelings of anxiety.
When we experience discomfort or that unsettling “icky” feeling, our natural response is often to avoid it —either by suppressing it or turning to distractions. Some distractions, like listening to music or reading a book, can be healthy ways to cope. If we engage in risky behaviors or act impulsively it may lead to negative consequences, including substance use. Oftentimes, we want to mask or escape an emotion because we don’t know what else to do with it except jump into something that we hope will provide immediate comfort. We don’t always want to deal with emotions in healthy ways because it generally takes longer to feel better.
In our residential setting where I work with adults, we have pictures of feelings wheels. We can’t learn what to do with our emotions if we don’t know what we’re feeling. We’re going to behave or respond in different ways if we’re sad, versus angry or jealous. Given the fast-paced nature of the world we live in, most of us don’t take the time to check in with our emotions.
There’s also the challenge of our distorted thinking and biases which cause us to label our emotions—sad and angry are “bad,” so we try not to feel them. It’s important to understand our emotions serve a purpose and they’re communicating information to us. When we label an emotion as negative, or suppress and mask how we’re feeling, it’s definitely a barrier to effective coping.
Our emotions don’t have to consume or control us. It can be scary when we solely act on our emotions because they are not always based on facts. We need the awareness to acknowledge an emotion is rising, and we may need to question it and/or get additional information before immediately acting on it.
What are the benefits of managing our emotions?
Pain and difficulties are part of life and the human experience. It’s easy to engage in negative self-talk when we’re feeling a difficult emotion. Using healthy coping strategies not only benefit us, but also the people we care about the most.
Additionally, you will:
- Develop greater trust in yourself to handle unexpected and distressing situations with confidence and resilience when, not if, they arise.
- Enhance your effectiveness across all areas of your life, including work or school.
- Reconnect with activities aligned with your values and identity, rather than letting emotions dictate your actions and facing undesirable consequences.
What are healthy strategies for managing emotions?
I recommend seven strategies for managing emotions.
- Identify the emotion as best you can.
- Validate and remind yourself it’s okay to feel the way you do at that moment. Make it a neutral, blanket statement and consider offering self-compassion by saying something like, “I’m allowed to feel this way.”
- Give yourself space and time to feel it. This may include removing yourself from the situation you’re currently in.
- Talk with a safe person in your support system.
- Engage in an enjoyable activity.
- Make an upbeat play list. If you like to listen to music and you’re feeling down, you may be tempted to listen to sad music. Most of us like to match the music with our emotions. Instead, create a more positive, upbeat playlist knowing you have go-to songs that will help shift your perspective and mindset. That can be helpful for creating new and wanted emotions.
- Do something to create a drastic shift. Watching scary movies (which I don’t like!) when I’m feeling down creates a completely different emotion. Sometimes we need that.
How does mental health treatment help someone with their emotions?
In a safe therapeutic space, people can be vulnerable and open about their feelings. They’re met without judgement, listened to, and validated with the understanding that there is no right or wrong way to feel. Oftentimes, that’s the opposite of what a person experiences due to stigma within society and sometimes from loved ones who may say things like, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” or label emotions as “bad.”
Therapy gives people the opportunity to improve emotion identification and pay attention to physical cues, like tension in the shoulders or a clenched jaw that otherwise may go unnoticed. By practicing self-check-ins routinely in a therapeutic setting, we hope people will feel more confident doing that in their everyday lives and experience increased well-being.
By Autumn Schwenn, MA, NCC, LPC, therapist, Focus Depression Recovery Adult Residential Care, Oconomowoc
Rogers provides mental health treatment
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Part of our summer series, Sunny Days, Healthy Minds
Summer is right around the corner, and there’s never been a better time to prioritize mental health! Rogers is proud to introduce you to eight new offerings designed to fit busy summer schedules and address a variety of mental health concerns – without interfering with vacations and other beloved summer activities. Click here to learn more.
