We live in a world that rewards performance and productivity, but that constant push can quietly drain kids’ joy, self-esteem, and sense of purpose.
As part of our School Smarts for Fresh Starts series, Dr. Peggy Scallon, MD, DFAPA, DFAACAP, chief medical officer at Rogers Behavioral Health’s Oconomowoc campus and medical director of Depression Recovery residential care for adolescents, explains what achievement culture looks like, how it affects families, and what we can do to redefine success in a healthier, more meaningful way.
What is achievement culture?
As a child and adolescent psychiatrist, I talk every day with kids and families who are struggling under the weight of expectations—grades, sports, college, activities, and social status. Many parents tell me they just want their child to be happy and confident, yet somehow family life has turned into a treadmill of achievement.
Achievement culture is the mindset that a person’s worth comes mainly from what they do—their grades, awards, or college admissions—rather than who they are. For many young people, it can feel like there’s no margin for error: the next test, game, or audition always looms.
While ambition and hard work are valuable, achievement culture can make kids believe success is the only thing that matters, overshadowing curiosity, creativity, and joy.
What is the impact on children and families?
When achievement becomes the main focus, kids may begin to feel:
- Anxious
- Exhausted
- Disconnected from themselves
They can internalize the belief that they are only as good as their last performance.
Families feel this, too. Parents often sense invisible competition from peers, schools, or the college process, and worry that if they don’t keep up, their child will fall behind. Over time, conversations can start revolving around grades and goals instead of shared experiences or laughter. Children need to know that their value doesn’t depend on achievement; they are loved and accepted just for being themselves.
How has the pressure to succeed changed over the years?
The pressure has grown dramatically. Academic rigor starts earlier, extracurricular schedules are packed, and college admissions feel more competitive and unpredictable.
Social media intensifies it all as kids see polished versions of others’ successes and can feel like everyone else is doing better. Even well-meaning parents get pulled into the swirl, wanting to give their children every advantage. It’s no one’s fault. It’s the water we’re all swimming in, but it’s worth noticing when that water starts to feel too deep.
What are the signs that a child is feeling overwhelmed?
Children rarely say outright that they’re under too much pressure. Instead, you might see:
- Emotional signs: irritability, tearfulness, withdrawal, or anxiety
- Physical signs: headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, or difficulty sleeping
- Behavioral signs: loss of motivation, perfectionism, or procrastination
- Social signs: pulling away from friends or activities they once enjoyed
These are signals that your child may be running on empty. A gentle check-in focused on listening, not fixing, can open the door to relief.
Is there a healthy balance between achievement and letting kids be kids?
Definitely. Kids thrive when they’re challenged and when they have space to rest, play, and explore freely. Balance doesn’t mean lowering standards, it means broadening what we value.
Praise effort and curiosity as much as results. Encourage downtime without guilt. Let kids know that mistakes are part of learning and life. The goal is not to eliminate ambition, but to connect it to well-being and authenticity.
How can families redefine success in ways that prioritize well-being?
Start by asking, “What kind of person do we want our child to become?” Most parents say things like kind, confident, curious, and resilient. That’s a very different definition of success from a transcript or trophy shelf.
Here are a few ways to keep that vision front and center:
- Support genuine interests rather than padding résumés
- Praise persistence, creativity, and teamwork
- Protect sleep and family connection time
- Model balance and self-compassion in your own life
- Celebrate small moments of joy and growth, not just big wins
When kids feel loved and supported for who they are, they build a sturdy foundation for lifelong motivation, confidence, and happiness.
Achievement isn’t the enemy. It’s the imbalance that hurts us. The world will always push kids to do more and be more, but families can offer something countercultural and deeply healing: the message that they are enough right now.
When success is defined not just by performance but by purpose, kindness, and connection, kids grow up not only capable, but whole.
Rogers offers after school and evening mental health treatment for children and teens
Rogers now offers flexible after-school or evening intensive outpatient programs (IOPs) for children and teens. These programs are designed to fit around school, work, and family schedules while providing comprehensive, effective treatment. Our flexible IOPs are available 3 to 5 days per week with hours and treatment lengths tailored to individual needs, allowing children to maintain school and family responsibilities. Programs accommodate working caregivers by enabling active participation in treatment without significantly disrupting work schedules and other responsibilities.
To get started with a free confidential screening, call 833-308-5887.
