Values guide how we live, shape the choices we make, and influence how we feel. But how do we know what our values are?
Rogers Behavioral Health’s Dr. Jennifer Yukawa, PsyD, inpatient psychologist at Rogers in West Allis explains how to take stock of your values and why aligning your behaviors with your values is beneficial for your mental health.
What are values? Are they the same as morals or beliefs?
I love this question! The concept of values is very similar to morals and beliefs. They can direct or guide our behaviors and shape our connections with others. They act like a compass, pointing or pulling us in a certain way.
Values, morals, and beliefs can also build on each other. The society we live in, our family, and religious organizations can tell us about morals or beliefs we “should” hold, which we can disagree with or choose to incorporate into our values. For example, one religious belief teaches, “You shall not bear false witness,” which refers to lying. A person may agree that lying is an unhelpful behavior pattern and value honesty, which connects to other values they hold of loyalty and respect in a relationship.
The difference, as I see it, is that values are truly OURS. They’re personal and are often linked to our passions.
How can we know what our values are?
Since values are personal, only we get to choose, change, and reflect on them.
To figure out what our values are, we can think about what’s important in our lives and what we’re passionate about. For example, environmental justice can be both a value and a passion that influences our behaviors, such as recycling at home or buying gently used clothes.
Over time, our values can also change. For example, as a teenager or young adult, someone could value their friends more than their family members. As time passes, that might flip. This could look like someone going to a Friendsgiving potluck for Thanksgiving, then a few years later, turning down that invitation to attend their fiancée’s annual Thanksgiving Turkey Trot to meet their family for the first time.
If you’re trying to reflect on your values, please know that it could take time and a deeper self-reflection. If you’re curious or want to start that journey, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- What values do others tell me I “should” have? Do I agree with them?
- What am I really passionate about? Is there anything I used to be passionate about?
- What parts of my life are important to me right now? Consider physical, mental, and cognitive health, family, relationships with others, and work/education/school/career
- Are my values linked to anything? Think about spiritual beliefs, social justice, career, health, etc.
- Have my values changed over time? Could they change over time?
How do values impact and influence our behaviors and our mental well-being?
Our behavior oftentimes reflects our values. For instance, as mentioned earlier, someone who values the environment may use reusable bags, washable containers, and shop for gently used or sustainable clothes.
Additionally, there are benefits to our mental well-being when our behaviors match our values. We tend to feel:
- Confident
- Energized
- Pleased
- Productive
- Motivated
- Empowered
Of course, there are times when values and behaviors don’t line up. This may lead to feelings or thoughts of shame, guilt, hopelessness, feeling trapped, disconnected, discouraged, or a lack of direction.
Revisiting the example of someone who values the environment, they might feel embarrassed when they forget their reuseable bag and disappointed that they have to use a plastic one. These thoughts and feelings may motivate them to problem-solve and plan for the future. They might decide to carry a small reuseable bag attached to their purse or keep it in their car. This backup can help them feel more prepared.
This isn’t meant to shame anyone because many times, and for a variety of reasons, our behaviors don’t match our values.
How can our behaviors support our values?
Ideally, a person’s values can help them start, maintain, decrease, or stop certain behaviors.
Values can:
- Motivate us to make a change in our behaviors, such as starting a new activity or decreasing or stopping an unhealthy, unwanted behavior or activity
- Help us maintain the helpful or healthy behaviors or activities that we also enjoy
- Positively impact our mood or thoughts over time, our mental and physical health, and our interpersonal relationships
For example, if you enjoy live music and value the environment, you might be especially motivated to attend an upcoming concert featuring your favorite artist if the tour is environmentally friendly —the venue is committed to reducing environmental waste, providing resources and education on protecting the environment, and donating some profits to local organizations. You may be more inclined to go rather than staying home or buying a ticket to another concert.
How can we identify behaviors that support or detract from our values?
Self-check ins or reflections are helpful to make sure that our behaviors and values are lining up. There’s no set rule for when to reflect, but certain times, such as around holidays, social events, or at the start or end of the year, can naturally prompt a check-in.
If you’re someone who finds it helpful to have reminders, you can set a date on your calendar, schedule an email alert, or have someone keep you accountable, such as a therapist, family member, or friend. I also want to caution that self-reflection isn’t meant to create a self-shaming spiral where a person feels defeated or discouraged. Ideally, reflections are done in a nonjudgmental way and can motivate us to make changes or consider how to get back on track to realign our goals and behaviors.
If you’re unsure of whether to seek support to make behavior changes that align with your values, here are four helpful warning signs and questions to consider:
- Lack of interest or pleasure: Did you used to enjoy doing a certain activity?
- Feelings of fatigue or burnout: How long have you felt this way?
- Feeling overwhelmed, stressed, hopeless, or angry: Have you experienced any changes in your life? Do you need to make some “mini” goals or steps?
- Lack of emotions or feeling like you’re “going through the motions”: Are you stuck in an unwanted or unhealthy cycle?
What role do my values play in mental health treatment?
Since we know that aligning values with behaviors supports our well-being, values are an important part of mental health treatment.
At Rogers, our treatment teams work closely with people receiving care to:
- Reflect and assess values
- Set goals to increase the activity or behaviors to match with values
- Be mindful during the activity to get the full benefits
We do this through behavioral activation (BA), which is based on the idea that actions significantly influence our thoughts and emotions. All three impact each other, for better or worse. BA is shown to be effective in reducing symptoms of depression, in addition to OCD, anxiety disorders, and eating disorders.
Through BA, we categorize activities, including valued and valuable activities. Values are so important, they get their own category! The treatment team helps people identify their values, increase engagement in valuable activities, plan these activities, set goals, and maintain accountability. Changing behavior can influence thoughts and emotions, which often leads to other positive or desired outcomes.
When we live according to our values, we feel good; when we don’t, we can feel like we’re drifting or lacking a sense of purpose. One of my favorite Japanese words, ikigai, captures this idea of values being linked to behaviors and purpose. It refers to how a person can lead a fulfilling life through their work or career. Ikigai includes the idea of using your values to fuel your passions and your behaviors to then contribute to something greater than yourself, all of which can support your physical, spiritual, financial, and mental well-being.
You can read more about Ikigai here.
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