You’ve probably heard that voice inside your head saying things like, “Nothing I do is ever good enough” or “I can’t do anything right.” Our inner critic can sneak up on us, shaking our self-confidence and self-esteem.
Jessica Osmunson, MS, LMFT, ICS-IT, clinical supervisor at Rogers in Sheboygan, explains what negative self-talk is and offers three strategies to help overcome it.
What is negative self-talk?
Negative self-talk can be defined as one’s internal dialog that repeatedly focuses on unfavorable themes. It’s often filled with foul language, self-directed insults, and rumination of mistakes.
How can we identify it?
We can identify negative self-talk by tuning into our thoughts, checking in on how they make us feel, and asking ourselves whether the thoughts help or hurt our self-image. Ask yourself: Would I talk to my friend this way? If the answer is no, you’re likely engaging in negative self-talk.
Does everyone engage in negative self-talk and if so, why?
Many people who experience negative self-talk feel isolated or like they’re the only ones who struggle. However, negative self-talk is something most of us experience, even if we don’t always notice it. Our brains are wired to scan for danger and mistakes. This often shows up as self-doubt and overly critical thoughts. Naturally, stress increases negative self-talk for everyone. It’s a normal human experience, not a personal flaw.
How is negative self-talk harmful?
Negative self-talk can contribute to poor mental health. It can:
- Be a symptom of mental health challenges
- Fuel depression and anxiety
- Affect our mood and behaviors, such as giving up on a task or over apologizing
- Lead us to believe we can’t do something
- Shift how our brains work, especially regarding stress. Ongoing negative self-talk activates the brain’s threat system, and our brain treats those thoughts as a stressor. This keeps the body in a semi-constant state of stress.
How to stop negative self-talk
While overcoming negative self-talk can be challenging, I recommend trying these three strategies:
1. Use thought-challenging skills:
• Identify the negative thought.
• Check the facts: Ask yourself, “Is this true?” or “Is there evidence to support this?”
• Reframe the thought: For example, “I’ve handled things like this before” or “Feeling anxious isn’t dangerous.”
• Take an actionable step: Try a mindfulness exercise, such as going for a short walk and noticing your surroundings or listening to music while paying close attention to the words and sounds. You can also reach out to a friend or loved one for support.
2. Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself like you would a friend. Give yourself grace and remember that everyone experiences difficult moments and negative self-talk.
3. Remember that negative self-talk is a habit: Like most habits, it can be changed. With practice, you can replace negative thoughts with more accurate, helpful ones.
When should a person consider getting mental health support for their negative self-talk?
A person should consider mental health support when their thoughts take a darker turn or if it’s increasingly difficult to redirect their thoughts. If those thoughts start to shift to self-harm or suicide, immediately seek help. Call 9-1-1 or call or text 988, the suicide and crisis lifeline that’s available 24/7.
How can mental health treatment help?
The brain has neuroplasticity, which means it can change its structure and connections. While negative self-talk can wire the brain in unhelpful ways, we can also rewire our brains in more positive, supportive ways. Mental health treatment can support these changes and help us remap our brains.
Clinicians can:
- Demonstrate compassionate self-talk
- Coach thought-challenging skills
- Empathically challenge a person’s thought process by asking, “Is this accurate?” or “What are the facts?” and help shift to a more positive or reasonable thought
Additionally, treatment can help by pointing out the function of those thoughts and help reframe the question from “Why is it bad” to “How is this thought keeping me stuck?” or “What is this thought trying to do?”
People often feel alone when experiencing mental health concerns, but treatment can help reduce stigma, shame, and overall feelings of isolation.
Rogers offers mental health treatment
Everyone deserves a life full of meaning and connection.
If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health, our compassionate experts will meet you where you are and help you work toward positive change.
Call 833-308-5887 for a free, confidential screening.
