Maybe you’re excited about your family reunion picnic this summer. Then you remember your cousin, the same age, who always comments about the food you eat. She lectures anyone who will listen about making better choices. It always feels like a competition.
You find yourself comparing your body to hers since she was always thin. You ruminate on what she might say to you this year. You start thinking that she might be right about eating less sugar and making healthier choices, but you’ve never been someone who dieted. You love to cook and are adventurous when it comes to trying new foods. You start to wonder if maybe you’re too adventurous and could benefit from losing a few pounds.
While we don’t have control over what other people say, we can control how we respond.
Four ways to manage a conversation about dieting and body shaming
Here are four ways we can manage a conversation when it steers toward diet talk.
- Take a pause
Put space between what someone says and what we say in return by taking a breath before speaking. By slowing down our response, we can reduce the chance of blurting out words we might regret later, especially when our emotions are stirred.
- Use gentle assertiveness
Establishing boundaries can help a person be more direct with family members and avoid keeping feelings bottled up inside. Consider saying something like:
- “I prefer not to discuss dieting or my body size.”
- “Discussing food choices is not helpful for me.”
- “Please don’t comment on the food I’m eating.”
Another way to use gentle assertiveness is to agree to disagree. If someone believes that certain foods are unhealthy, respectfully express a different opinion, if appropriate. Sometimes letting people know where we stand can redirect the conversation.
Asserting boundaries can take some practice, but it gets easier over time as we become more comfortable addressing harmful comments by speaking up as they happen. When we show respect for ourselves, others will, too.
- Change the topic
If asserting boundaries doesn’t feel comfortable yet, changing the subject can, in the short term, provide some relief. During social gatherings, people can make off-the-cuff comments without thinking, but every person has the right not to discuss something they don’t want to. Instead of calling out the comment, consider saying something like:
- “Did you watch the (insert sports team) game last night?”
- “So, I heard you got a promotion.”
- “How was your vacation?”
If all else fails, politely end the conversation and mingle with someone else. We don’t have to endure a conversation that triggers negative thoughts about ourselves.
- Educate yourself
There are several ways we can educate ourselves now, which will help protect our well-being during diet and weight loss-focused conversations long term:
- Be mindful of our own thoughts about dieting and body image. Get curious about what emotions surface when someone says things that cause distress. If we’re bothered by what someone says, consider whether there’s some truth to it. Understanding ourselves better can help us navigate toward more helpful conversations and engage in ones that build us up rather than bring us down.
- Don’t buy into the negativity. Eating a wide variety of foods, along with a willingness to try new foods, is a healthy and positive way to nourish ourselves. Categorizing foods prevents us from enjoying a satisfying meal that provides us with energy and essential vitamins and minerals.
- It’s good to remember that everyone has their own story. Sometimes, developing empathy for people who say things that bother us can soften the emotional impact of their words. For example, a family member who always comments about food might be struggling with an issue that causes them to categorize what they’re eating. It could be a way to cope during social situations where they might feel judged by others. What they say about the food on your plate has more to do with them and less with you.
No matter what words we hear from others, we have every right to walk into any social gathering, whatever our body size, eat foods that taste good and are satisfying, and enjoy ourselves.
While it’s not always easy to navigate food talk, especially when it comes from the people we care about, we can steer the discussion to a more positive one to protect our well-being.
By Cindy Dexter, RD, CD, registered dietitian for OCD and Anxiety residential care for adults at Rogers Behavioral Health
Rogers offers mental health treatment for body image issues
No one needs to struggle alone and live without hope. Our caring and knowledgeable experts can help you find the path to a fuller and healthier life.
For a free, confidential screening, call 833-308-5887. We’re here when you’re ready.
Part of our summer series, Sunny Days, Healthy Minds
Looking for more tips? Explore additional resources in our Sunny Days, Healthy Minds series to support mental well-being all summer long. Click here to learn more.
