While a new school year offers new opportunities, it can also stir up pressure to perform. For many students, school comes with high expectations, busy schedules, and the desire to get everything just right. But learning doesn’t require perfection. With the right support and mindset, students can feel more confident and less overwhelmed.
As part of our back-to-school series, School Smarts for Fresh Starts, Emily Golding, MSW, LCSW, clinical supervisor at Rogers Behavioral Health in West Allis, shares strategies to help manage perfectionism and build a healthier approach to success.
What is the definition of perfectionism?
Perfectionism is the need or urge to do everything “just right.” People who struggle with perfectionism are usually high achievers, yet they often believe their accomplishments aren’t good enough and feel they need to work harder. Perfectionism is often something we learn early on in childhood and can turn into an unhelpful pattern throughout our lifetimes.
How can perfectionism differ from simply having high standards or being detail-oriented?
Wanting to be good at things and be detail oriented is not necessarily a bad thing. However, expecting perfection in everything you do is unrealistic because as humans, we make mistakes. It’s impossible to be good at everything.
People who struggle with perfectionism are usually very hard on themselves. They see flaws where others may not. The feelings associated with perfectionism tend to stick around even when a person has met their goals, which causes a lot of additional stress.
What are signs of perfectionism?
People struggling with perfectionism tend to:
- Feel irritable and angry: It’s frustrating when they or others are unable to meet their high expectations.
- Turn thoughts and feelings about their abilities or performance inward: Perfectionism can result in self-criticism, which can lead to feelings of shame and thoughts such as, “I’m not good enough” or “I’m a failure.”
- Worry what others may think about them: Preoccupation with how others perceive them can result in anxiety in social situations or school refusal.
- Feel overwhelmed: In their efforts to be “perfect” they end up making mistakes or giving up due to feeling overwhelmed and/or taking on too much.
- Try to be precise and avoid errors: Perfectionists tend to complete tasks over and over to get them right or redo part or all of what they’ve done. In order to avoid mistakes, they may engage in activities with more care and attention than is necessary.
In your experience, what mental health challenges are most associated with perfectionism?
Perfectionism is associated with many different mental health challenges, including anxiety, depression, OCD, and trauma. It can interfere with a person’s ability to engage in enjoyable activities because of the belief that they’re not as valuable or productive as other types of activities linked to performance or achievement. As mentioned above, perfectionism can also cause people to be very hard on themselves, which can lead to a negative self-image.
What are some practical ways a person can manage perfectionistic thinking?
I have several suggestions for how a person can manage perfectionistic thinking. 
- Be mindful of perfectionistic thoughts and feelings throughout the day.
Notice thoughts such as, “I can’t turn this in until I know I’ll get 100%,” or if you’re going through tasks very slowly and precisely, and/or reviewing, checking, or rereading over and over. The more aware we are of these perfectionistic tendencies, the more we can practice responding to them in alternative ways.
- Try self-compassion, especially when faced with not meeting expectations or making mistakes.
This could look like using more compassionate or balanced statements when noticing negative self-talk, such as “I’m doing the best I can,” “I’m still learning”, or “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
- Practice not being perfect!
Leave something unfinished, don’t fix a spelling mistake, or engage with a new or unfamiliar activity without self-judgment.
What advice would you give to someone who suspects their perfectionism is impacting their mental health but isn’t sure what to do next?
I would recommend talking with trusted friends and family to see if they notice these tendencies and have any concerns.
If you notice that you’re more anxious, self-conscious, overwhelmed, or disengaged from activities you used to enjoy, it may be time to seek professional help.
How does treatment help a person move toward self-compassion or flexibility?
Treatment can provide different tools to help a person cope with difficult thoughts and feelings as they arise. Talking to someone about specific perfectionistic thoughts and behaviors can help a person better understand themselves and learn how to manage them in the future. Additionally, treatment will help a person identify and work toward individualized goals to help them challenge perfectionism and how it impacts their mental well-being.
The most common and effective treatment for perfectionism is cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT, which helps a person challenge negative thoughts and change how they respond to perfectionistic urges.
How can loved ones support a person who struggles with perfectionism?
If you’re a parent, teacher, or friend who is concerned about perfectionism in someone you know, it can be helpful to do additional research and educate yourself on the signs and symptoms of common anxiety disorders related to perfectionism, such as OCD in addition to mood disorders like depression, or PTSD. Talk with the person about any potential stress or anxiety they may be feeling and encourage them to seek help as needed.
Rogers offers anxiety treatment
Mental health challenges can feel overwhelming and isolating. We’re here to help, providing compassionate care so that you can live a full and connected life.
Call 833-308-5887 for a free confidential screening.
Part of our back-to-school series, School Smarts for Fresh Starts
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