updated 08/2025
When a friend or loved one is dealing with a mental health challenge, it’s not always easy to know what to say. You want to offer comfort and support but may be worried about saying the wrong thing or that your words won’t be well received.
As our understanding of mental health and the impact of stigma in everyday conversations continues to evolve, Emily Jonesberg, program manager of community learning and engagement at Rogers Behavioral Health and her team updated this list of supportive things to say. They also point out common missteps with the goal of helping you better support your loved one so they feel accepted and appreciated as they navigate their mental health journey.
What to say to someone with a mental health challenge
1. “Do you want to talk about it? I’m always here for you.”
Even if you don’t entirely understand what your friend or loved one is going through, you can still be there for them in a healthy, supportive way. Listen to them without judgment and make sure they know they’re not alone.
2. “What can I do to help?”
If your loved one has had depression or anxiety for a while, chances are they probably know what does and does not help them. Even if they just need help with something simple, offering help lets them know you care.
3. “That sounds really difficult. How are you coping?”
Acknowledging how they feel is both validating and comforting. It reminds your friend that you are listening to them, that you believe that what they’re going through is real, and that you want to help them cope.
4. “Let’s go somewhere quieter or take a walk.”
In times of extreme anxiety, it can help to try a grounding activity, like going for a walk or finding a peaceful place to talk. Grounding activities include listening to music or enjoying a favorite scent.
5. “I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you if you need me.”
Instead of offering an unhelpful comparison, remind them that their feelings are valid and that you want to support them.
6. “Are you looking for my perspective or would you rather I listen?”
Clarify which type of support they would like and let them know that you will not judge them. If they want your insights, it’s helpful to begin with something like “I don’t know if this applies, but I’m wondering about…”
7. “Reaching out shows a lot of strength.”
Seeking help is a big step in managing mental health. This phrase validates their efforts and encourages them to continue their journey toward healing, reinforcing that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.
8. “Would it help if I just sat with you for a while?”
This gives them the opportunity to open up on their own terms. It lets them know that you’re willing to support without pushing, which can help them feel more comfortable sharing their experience when they’re ready.
9. “It’s okay to not be okay.”
This helps normalize the person’s feelings and reduces the pressure to always seem fine. It encourages self-compassion and acknowledges that it’s acceptable to feel vulnerable.
10. “What you’re going through is real, and I’m here to support you.”
Validating feelings builds trust and encourages the person to feel safe sharing their experience with you.
What not to say to someone with a mental health challenge
It’s just as important to understand what responses may be unhelpful, or worse—damaging to someone who has opened up to you. Try your best to avoid the following responses:
1. “I know what you mean. I had a panic attack when I saw my electric bill!”
There’s a difference between rational anxiety about living expenses and having a real panic attack. Rather than compare your anxiety to theirs, try to keep the conversation focused on them.
2. “Have you tried yoga or meditation?”
While these and other wellness activities are helpful for some, remember that they may not help everyone. Mental health conditions can be all-consuming, and these strategies are
not always enough to help someone feel better.
3. “Why aren’t you seeing a therapist?” or “Why aren’t you on medication?”
While it’s fine to show concern for a friend, remarks like this can come across as accusatory. Your suggestion that they try medication or see a therapist may not actually help them come
to that decision, which is ultimately theirs to make.
4. “Are you OK?!”
This question can make your loved one feel pressured to get better immediately, which is rarely the case for mental health. They may also feel some social pressure to tell you they’re fine, even if that is not true.
5. “There are lots of people who have it much worse than you.”
Remarks like this encourage your loved one to compare themselves to others. You should encourage them to let go of comparing themselves to others and instead focus on what’s best for them.
6. “You wouldn’t feel this way if…”
Mental health issues and their causes are complex, and many people wear themselves out emotionally by searching for the causes of their suffering. Placing blame leads to unnecessary distress and takes time from increasing understanding of what is going on.
7. “You’re just looking for attention.”
This dismisses their feelings and implies their pain isn’t real. It can make them feel ashamed or discourage them from reaching out again for help.
8. “You have to push through it. It’s all in your head.”
Mental health challenges are not a matter of willpower, and they often involve biological, emotional, and psychological factors. This statement suggests it’s not serious or real, which can be deeply invalidating.
9. “You just need to think more positively.”
While mindset can help in some cases, this oversimplifies complex mental health challenges. It can make the person feel like they’re failing just because they can’t “positive-think” their way out of it.
10. “You’ll be fine. Don’t worry so much.”
While this might be meant to comfort, it can feel dismissive. Anxiety and other mental health challenges aren’t simply about worrying too much—they’re often intense, persistent, and
beyond a person’s control.
Learn more about how to talk about mental health with your loved one, for yourself or for them, here.
What to do when someone says something hurtful
For those struggling with mental health, much of what’s been discussed will sound familiar. You probably have heard some of the above well-meaning but unhelpful advice and felt hurt. Although it may be difficult, try not responding with anger. That person means well and doesn’t know enough about mental health to know how to best respond. Be sure to let the advocates around you step in to educate those who need it or do it yourself if that feels right and healthy for you.
For more suggestions on how to respond to hurtful comments, review this article. For additional information on how, if, and when to share parts of your own mental health journey, check out the Up to Me program content.
Rogers provides mental health treatment
If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health, our compassionate and expert team is here to help children, adolescents, and adults find a path to well-being.
To get started with a free, confidential screening, call 833-308-5887.
